#5: Being Away…

Being Away… 

It’s been about a month since my last post, so that means a lot of days of “best/worsts” piled up, waiting to be shared.  I’ll get to sharing those soon because it really has been an amazing month (mostly filled with eating and drinking) in Canada & New England, but today I just want to take an opportunity to reveal a very real part of ship life.  The reality of being away…

“Being away” is an innate part of traveling.  You pack a bag (or 2, or 3) with items that hopefully will aid you during your days away and then you step forward towards your adventure.  So when is the last time you packed a suitcase and went away?  Where were you going?  Did you have some loved ones by your side as travel buddies or were you flying solo?

For me, this state of  being away feels all too familiar.  I was away from dance during my yearlong journey to recovery after fracturing my foot.  Then I was away from home in Wisconsin after moving out and stepping towards new adventures in New York City.  For the past 2.5 years, I have been away from the other half of my heart, JJ, living separate lives on the other side of the globe in a long distance relationship.  And now I am here on the ship, having said goodbye to my new job, new church, new roommates and new lifeline of best friends in New York.  Yet again...away. 

But just as travel implies being away, “being away” implies an orientation of "home"- the place from which you are away.  Life is a bit funny right now… splitting me in all sorts of different slices of “home.” 

Today I am in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada.  It is a beautiful day on the harbor with blue skies opening up, and the sun shining through.  And tonight I get to perform on a moving vessel, pushing my body to the peak of its athleticism and sharing my joy of life through movement with an audience of 1000 passengers from all over the world. 

But today is also the day my parents had to put down our beautiful dog, Blanche.  So my heart is very heavy.  And today is it especially difficult to be away.  For those who did not have the privilege of meeting her, Blanche is a 13-year-old yellow lab and the founding member of “The Blondes.” Blanche has developed severe arthritis in her back legs and can no longer get up and move on her own.  She now breathes very heavily and seems to be losing more and more weight each day.   But she is a gorgeous dog and has been such a special part of our family- she’s been with us for most of the time our family has been living in this current house!  But since I am away, I will not get to hug her one last time.  I will not get to sit with my parents as they take her for one last ride in the car.  I will not even be there with them to feel the void of her in our house- no longer curled up on the ottoman, not plopped down under the barstool chairs or hiding beneath mom’s clothes hanging in the closet. Because I am away. 

Shockingly enough, even while I am away on my adventure, time keeps ticking around the world.  And you miss out on things while living at sea.  Family parties and Brewer games and birthdays and weddings.  Reunion trips to South Africa to be immersed again in the culture with loved ones.  And sometimes, like now, missing out even on priceless moments to be together and grieve.

But what am I to do?  I made this choice to pursue my dreams making a living dancing on a beautiful vessel in the middle of the ocean.  So now it is my duty to make the most of my choice to be away by truly enjoying what I’m doing here.  Make it as worth it as possible.  So tonight, during our evening’s performances, I will dance with gratitude for this opportunity.  Tonight I will move freely, without pain, legs bounding from joy to joy.  Tonight, this one’s for you, Blanche. 

Bye, Blanchie.  We will miss you so much.